I know that we hear time and time again that Motherhood flows in seasons. If you’re in the thick of sleepless nights and diaper changes, some well-meaning grandma will probably tell you, “This is just a season. Cherish it Sweetheart!” Or if you’ve found yourself day in and day out stuck in the same position on the couch nursing a baby that seems to never be full, a well-meaning Mamma friend who is further along in her journey might say to you, “This is just a season. Hang in there. Enjoy these sweet snuggles now.”
While all of those voices have good intentions, sometimes you just want to scream, “ SHUT UP! I HATE THIS SEASON AND THERE IS NOTHING I AM ENJOYING ABOUT IT!” And you’d be absolutely right. There is not much to enjoy about physically exhausting, mundane seasons. There isn’t much to enjoy when you feel like everything inside of you is (literally) being sucked out of you, and although you feel like you have nothing left to give, somehow, the demand continues, and you give more and more of yourself.
I get it. I absolutely get it. Which is why I’m here to offer you an alternative narrative regarding seasons of Motherhood.
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about exactly what I described above. Those hard, difficult, and isolating seasons of my Motherhood journey that seemed like they would be never-ending. I’m about 6 years removed from those early stages now, but I can still – ever so clearly – remember how I felt during those times. I can instantly transport myself back to feeling like I was running on the hamster wheel with no reprieve in sight. I remember constantly asking myself, “How long will this last?” Logically, I knew those seasons wouldn’t last forever, but emotionally, I wasn’t so sure. What made it even harder to believe, was that my kids are 3 years apart, so I was constantly in the “enjoy this season while you can” difficult stages on all fronts. For a while there, I had a toddler running around doing toddler things that I needed to keep up with, while simultaneously taking care of a newborn-then-baby who constantly wanted to nurse, be held, needed her diaper changed, or just wanted to cry for reasons that I could not figure out for the life of me. To say it was rough would be an understatement. But I know you get it.
Fast forward to this morning. As I drove my car home from volunteering in my daughter’s 3rd grade class, sun shining on my face through the window, and the option of heading to Starbucks to indulge myself in a latte before me, the seasons of Motherhood entered my thoughts again, and this time, it put a smile on my face. I don’t know when it happened (you never do), but I smiled because it dawned on me that when I wasn’t looking, I moved out of the season of sleepless nights and perpetual exhaustion to this freedom of driving in my car – by myself – listening to whatever I wanted to listen to on the radio, with endless possibilities of what to do with my time, and the promise of not just ordering a warm drink, but actually being able to enjoy a warm drink on my horizon. “Life is good!” I thought to myself. If only New Mom me could see me now. I’d hope she would be encouraged to know that the thick of it that she was trenching through now, would not be her forever.
In this current season of Motherhood, my kids are more independent. They can feed and dress themselves, they can wipe their own butts now (thank God), and they sleep through the night… and sometimes through the afternoon. They don’t need me in the same ways that they used to, but they still need me. And that is what I am trying to navigate now in this season of being Mom. Because some of the ways that they need me now, are ways that I haven’t needed to show up for them in the earlier seasons; and it can be a doozy! But what I am slowly figuring out is that while they are growing and changing from season to season, I am too. In the same way that they are learning new skills and information to not only help them in their current season of life, but will aid them in the next, I am too. Whether intentionally or by fire, I am growing, as a mother, too.
I remember when my kids were smaller and I would see moms with older kids. I could not even fathom how I would handle mothering when my kids got to be their kids’ ages. The teenage years alone scared the living daylights out of me! But God, in His infinite wisdom created the parent/child relationship in such a way that we truly do grow together without even realizing it. And all along the way, He equips us with wisdom and wherewithal to make it through each day. Manna for today.
If you’re in the thick of diaper changes and endless feedings right now and hate this season, that’s okay. If you’re strolling on repeat to endless walks to the park and daily fights with toddlers to take a nap and you’re hating this season, that’s okay. If you’re constantly banging your head against the wall and trying to figure out who is going to make it out alive at the end of this season – you or your teenager – that is okay too. The seasons of Motherhood ebb and flow in a way that allows us to enjoy some more than others, but regardless of the season we are in, take heart in knowing that God is equipping and growing us all along the way.
“Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy” (Psalm 126:5)
MAMMA ARIANNA 