Mammas, move hell and high water to keep your word to your kiddos. When you follow through with what you say you are going to do, it teaches your kids that you can be trusted, and also teaches your kids that you shouldn’t be ignored.
Often times, in the heat of the moment when we’re just trying to get out the door on time, we may say things like, “If you put your shoes on, I’ll take you to get some ice cream!” Or when the tiny tots have been arguing over the same toy for what feels like hours and we scream, “If you two don’t stop, I’m taking away your iPads for a week!” We very rarely follow through on our promise or idle threat.
What do our kiddos learn? That Mamma doesn’t mean what she says, so we can keep doing [insert unwanted behavior here] and there will be no consequences for us.
How do we replace this learned behavior?
1) Think about what you’re about to promise or threaten before you say it. If you’re going to say it, be prepared to do it.
Only promise things that are actually in your scope to carry out. If you won’t have time in your day today to take your kiddos to get ice cream, don’t offer that up as a reward. Try offering them a drive through lunch from their favorite place instead. You all have to eat lunch anyway, but at least they feel rewarded by getting to *choose* the place, and you don’t have to rearrange your schedule to follow through on your word.
The same thing goes for consequences. Don’t threaten to do something you aren’t prepared to carry out. Don’t threaten that you are going to take away their iPads for a week if you rely on them to play on their iPads on certain days of the week so you can get things done. Instead, maybe take iPad time away for a day (depending on the undesired action) or change their consequence to something that will actually benefit their growth and development. “If you two don’t stop fighting, you will lose TV time for all of tomorrow.” Now, they will have to spend their time using their imagination to find something else to do. Read in their rooms, invent a game to play, draw, build with leggos; all things that stretch their brains AND involve minimal work on your part.
2) “No,” is a full and complete sentence.
If your kiddo is requesting something that isn’t in their best interest, say, “No ,” once, and move on. David Ludwig, author of Ending the Food Fight says it best when he says, “The better you get at turning down requests that aren’t in your child’s best interest, the fewer times you’ll need to do so. You can say no once in the supermarket when your child asks to buy a carton of ice cream, or you can say it every night once that carton is sitting in your freezer at home.”
If you haven’t had the best track record of keeping and following through on your word thus far, don’t fret. It’s not too late to make positive changes. Start small with something today, and keep building on it. It takes 21 days to make a new habit, so stay consistent, do and say what is in your scope to do, and be encouraged that you have what it takes to see the desired outcome you’d like to see in your kiddos. 🤗
MAMMA ARIANNA 