“(Fill in the blank) looked different this year.” Is anybody else sick of hearing that statement? Not because it isn’t true or applicable, but for me, it’s a constant reminder of just how disrupted our lives were this year. I found myself using that statement more times than I cared to this year. And as a mom to small kiddos who had routines and expectations get slashed one after the other, I found myself having to default to that phrase as a launching pad to further explain why school was still virtual, play dates were cancelled, dance class would be via Zoom until further notice, etc. etc. etc. And with every hope slashed, I would be lying if I said that my hopes weren’t slashed as well. The physical disappointment on their tiny faces was indicative of the emotional disappointment I felt on the inside each time I had to tell them that one more thing wasn’t going to happen or go according to plan.
But if there’s anything that 2020 has taught me, it has reminded me that there is still good to be found amongst all of the bad… if you’re willing to look hard enough. And if I’m being honest, some days in 2020, I didn’t want to put in the effort of looking hard enough. Some days I just wanted to stay in my Pity Party for one and sulk in how sucky the year has truly been. BUT! But, thankfully there were days where the sun shined just a little bit brighter, and the sky appeared a bit more clear, and gratitude reminded me that I still had a lot to be thankful for even in this crazy, confusing, roller coaster of a year that we were all forced to ride through together.
Gratitude made me thankful for the increase in time together that the Lockdown afforded our family. Leading up to that dreadful day of March 13, 2020, Gabe and I had just been talking about how busy our lives felt and how we were two ships passing in the night. About two weeks before everything closed down, the girls expressed that they wanted to spend more time with us as a family, and how much they’d missed Daddy. (He’d been working a lot.). Unbeknownst to any of us, the remedy for our disconnect would be arriving two unsuspecting weeks later…
This year pulled the veil off of my eyes and made me realize that everyone truly is given the same 24 hours in each day, and what you do with them is quite actually your choice. You can use your 24 hours to go after your dreams and work hard towards your goals… orrrr you can use those 24 hours to scroll on Instagram for a fourth of your day and catch up on all of your favorite shows that you have had on your Watch List for months. The choice truly is yours. And let me tell you what else I discovered – both types of days are OK, and both of those days are needed. During this year, some of my days were spent being super productive and scheduling out my time to finally get around to the things that have been on my “Dream List” all before noon. And some of those days I didn’t brush my teeth before the sun went down, and I managed to create a semi-permanent indent of my body on the couch. It’s called balance. But I will say that this specific lesson has propelled me to take more of the productive days in to my 2021 and has reminded me that if I want something bad enough, I need to make the choice to use my 24 hours more wisely.
This year reinforced for me how important it is to have a solid community of friends, and how thankful I am for the village that surrounds me. They have offered their strength when I needed to be held up, their joy when I needed to be reminded to dig deep and find my own, their wisdom when I couldn’t see past my situation, and their ability to laugh even in the middle of the craziest year of our lives. This year has provided me with more soul-connecting conversations, more pains in my side from laughing so much, and more opportunities to receive grace when I needed it and extend grace when others were in need. The irony of this year for me is that during a time when we were all kept apart from each other, I felt more connected to a lot of people and was able to strengthen relationships that the busyness of life pre-COVID didn’t allow me to. That is not to say that the physical disconnection wasn’t deeply felt and mourned, but rather to highlight the ways in which creativity and innovation provided new opportunities for relationships to be strengthened and forged.
As much as I hate to add my repetition of this phrase to the collective noise, this year did look different than years past. There’s a lot of it that I wish didn’t, but after some reflection, there is a good amount of this year that I am actually glad looks different than other years. I dare say that there are elements that I actually hope to carry in to 2021. If 2020 has taught me anything, it’s to not make plans too far in advance, but I am going to go out on a limb and plan to be at least a tinsy bit hopeful for good things to come in 2021.
Happy New Year friends! May your 2021 be a bright one.
MAMMA ARIANNA 