Being a mamma to two (sometimes 3) little humans has given me the unique position of seeing life through the eyes of a child. Many experiences that I have become jaded to, I’ve been able to observe with fresh eyes thanks to my kiddos. The magic of Christmas, the amazement at feeling snow for the first time, the tickeling of tummies as they ride their first roller coaster – all experiences that I have had the joy of re-living through my little Buttercups.
Out of all of the experiences I get to observe, I am always quite intrigued by the art (or lack there of) of making a new friend on the playground. It usually involves no inhibitions, a “Hi! Wanna play with me?” , a “Sure! Let’s go!”, and a bonding high five to seal the deal. They [the kids ] usually know nothing about each other – other than their shared loved for sand and swings, and an occasional compliment of the other’s dress – but that doesn’t stop them from giving their new found friendship a shot, and learning to enjoy each other’s company.
I often marvel at the ease in which tiny humans make new friends. At this age (6 and 3) they haven’t claimed irrational insecurities as their own yet, so there is little to nothing that holds them back from diving right in to the “New Friendship” pond head first, and discovering if they like the temperature of the water or not.
I’m realizing, though, that this is not the case for adults. Chalk it up to past experiences, “that feeling”, or something else, but we tend to ease in to new encounters with more hestitation than we reserve for eating raw fish! (😝) When we meet someone new, we taller humans tend to go in to the greeting with our walls WAY up until the other person gives us reason to slowly take the bricks down one by one. Isn’t that interesting? Shouldn’t we go in to a new situation with our walls down and not start stacking the bricks until the other person gives us a reason to? Unfortunately, by the time we’re adults, Life has given us MANY reasons to enter new friendships the former way instead of the latter.
Whether it be past hurts, lies that others have spoken over us that we’ve chosen to accept, the fear of rejection, or just our own social awkwardness, we tend to project these things on to new people that we meet without even giving them a chance to discover them on their own. (Which takes time.) And here’s what I’m beginning to learn as I get deeper and deeper into Adulthood: the very things that I’m insecure about or potentially embarrassed about if someone found out, they actually serve as a litmus test for me to find great friendships! Here’s what I mean (on a superficial level): I don’t always have the cutest outfits to exit my house in, and I used to spend a lot of time thinking about my threads before dashing out of the house. Ya know, some times I’d get a look or two of, “What the heck are you wearing?” and I’d immediately want to go hide in a corner somewhere and not talk to anyone. That’s cool if those people wanted to spend more time analyzing my outfit instead of actually talking to me and analyzing my heart. They aren’t the type of friends that I want anyway. But then, the craziest thing started happening; once I let go of the pressure (that I put on myself) to look a certain way, I felt more comfortable in my skin, and started running in to the moms at Pick Up who were in their leggings for the third day in a row as well. We’d comment on how cute each other’s leggings were, which would then lead to other conversation, and eventually a formal introduction of names. Some of those cute legging-ed Mammas have now become some pretty great friends. My point in all of this? The thing that I was insecure about (my threads) helped me weed out the people who I couldn’t be myself around from the people who I could be myself around; the latter category creating an environment for good friendships. (Which is what we all really want.)
Clothes are on the surface level, but what about the deeper stuff? Like when we choose to be a tad bit vulnerable and say, “I’m having a really crappy day and here is why.” Or when we let the guard down a little bit more and admit we don’t have it all together? Obviously we aren’t leading with these discussions upon the first day or two of meeting someone, but my point is that the more we can show up and say, “This is who I am, take me or leave me,” I truly believe that our lives will become that much fuller. I also believe that while there may be some that choose to leave you, you might be surprised at how many takers you get. 😊
I have been blessed with some pretty spectacular friendships in my life, and as I survey them all, the common thread that runs through all of them is that I can be my authentic self with each and every one of them, and they can be their authentic self with me. We’ve created a safe space for each other to land, which helps us grow as individuals, but also deeper as friends. This didn’t happen overnight, but it did happen by firstly letting our walls down, and then continuously bringing our true selves to the table each time, and bit by bit, inviting each other in to more and more of our story.
So whadda ya say? How ’bout we take a cue from the tinier humans and let our guards down a bit when meeting new people? You can never have enough friends, and you may never know if you’re shaking hands with your next BFF if you never give them a chance to meet the real you!
If you’re sharing great laughs with the mom on the softball field, invite her out to coffee and see what happens. Notice a co-worker who eats lunch by themselves all the time? Invite them in to your space and get to know them a little bit better. The worst that could happen is that you shared an hour of your time with someone that – upon further investigation – you actually don’t hit it off with. And that’s okay. But the best thing that could happen is that you get to know someone who you might’ve missed out on, and now you have another great friend to do life with.
“Since there is nothing so well worth having as friends, never lose a chance to make them.”
-Francesco Guicciardini
MAMMA ARIANNA 